My first recollection of Daniel being ill was when I noticed him always looking down while walking; stopping for no reason and staring into space as though he was listening to someone who was NOT THERE.
When I asked him why he was doing these things he would say that it was not polite to stare at people. About stopping and listening: "It was just what I do," as if it was natural for him. He believed that he was special having these experiences. Later on he told me the voices told him he was "the man!"
As a parent, I always perceived Daniel as a bright boy who had emotional problems caused by my divorce from his mother. I felt tremendous guilt even though I had visitation rights every weekend.
As a child Daniel never showed any emotion. Again, I though it was because he was missing "me" in his life because of the physical separation. My ex-wife took Daniel to a few child psychologists, but to no avail. It did not last and I received very little feedback. When Daniel turned 16 he asked to live with me, I had no problem with that. He was going to one of the best high schools in New York City and was excelling. After a while I noticed he was getting depressed. He would come home and not say a word to me. If I asked him a question, he would reply "It's none of your business!" He'd ignore me as if I didn't exist. I wrote it off as teenager rebelling while going through puberty. He graduated from the Bronx High School of Science; I was very proud of him. Daniel went on to college. Everything was going well. In his junior year he told me things that started me thinking something was wrong. He used to keep the windows in his room wide open during the winter months. He told me that there were people or things out there that were "out to get me." One evening when I came home from work I found Daniel and some friends in the house. I don't remember what I said to him, but when I merely placed my hands on the back of his head (he was sitting on a chair) he got up quickly and threw me to the floor! Then he got on top of me and said "the force is with me" and he "had the power" as in Star Wars. I was then still in total denial that anything serious was going on. After that I watched him more closely. As time went on I noticed he had somewhat of a split personality. His college studies were now not going well; he didn't graduate on schedule.
One day in July we went out to Brighton Beach. I noticed he was acting strangely. I asked Daniel when we got home if he would go with me to Montefiore Medical Center Psychiatric Emergency Room for a checkup; he said he would. I was under the impression that he would see a psychiatrist and arrangements would be made for outpatient appointments. To my surprise, they took Daniel to an isolation room. I was shocked, he was not a criminal! At that point I felt horrible that I brought him to the hospital. The doctor told me he had signs of schizophrenia and they would hold him for observation. I could only imagine the surprise and shock Daniel was experiencing! I tried to remain with him as long as I could. I did not want Daniel to think I was abandoning him. I still couldn't believe what the doctor told me. They gave Daniel Haldol to calm him and after two days took him upstairs to the psychiatric ward. There they gave Daniel 3 mg of Risperdal and subsequently his psychotic episodes disappeared! Daniel was in total denial, but he listened to the doctors and took the Risperdal. He stayed at Montefiore Medical Center for two weeks and then was released and was sent to Psych-Systems of Manhattan as an outpatient. They gave him 3 mg of Risperdal to take at home while continuing his outpatient care. He told me he was feeling "sluggish" while taking Risperdal. The "voices" had disappeared; he looked fine and he no longer looked down while he walked.
The idea of having a "mental illness" didn't sit well with Daniel or me. He felt better but was still in total denial as was I. He stopped taking his medication as soon as he got home, thus his symptoms returned! I didn't say anything as I knew he wouldn't want to go back to the hospital. I always walked Daniel to meet the van that took him to Psych Systems of Manhattan. I knew upon seeing Daniel in the condition he was in, they would send him to the hospital again. That same day, Psych Systems did call me stating that they had to take Daniel to New York Hospital due to psychotic behavior! I then went down to New York Hospital and saw my son in an isolation room again. He refused any medication. At that point I signed papers and arranged for Daniel to be taken back to Montefiore Medical Center. When he got back to Montefiore, he was quite delusional and still refused medication. He had the idea that everyone was trying to poison him. He refused to eat anything. He looked at me like I was his enemy. For about a week they placed him in isolation.
One Saturday (August 1, to be exact) my friend Pam was watching TV and happened to watch "Four Stories" on channel 4. The first story was about Ken Steele. Pam called me and told me to tune in for the subject matter was schizophrenia. I did and got Ken's telephone number. It was like a miracle sent just in time for me! Ken was nice enough to call Daniel at Montefiore Medical Center. After awhile Daniel started to take Risperdal in a smaller dosage. He was released again and started with Psych Systems of Westchester while helping Ken Steele with his work and also his newspaper, New York City Voices. He is now a "consumer" working for mental health.
Daniel now sees his future in helping other people with schizophrenia and other mental health problems and the importance of taking Risperdal.
I have come a long way from being in denial about my son's illness. I now understand more about it from the knowledge attained from Ken Steele and his life's work. It's difficult to believe that in just four short months since Daniel's first admission and possible schizophrenic diagnosis, positive change has occurred in my life and his, due to "Four Stories," Ken Steele, Risperdal and New York City Voices.
My son is also helping Adrienne Williams and attending informative seminars. Daniel also now goes to the Park Slope Center for Mental Health for therapy. He currently does things he could never do before and is not depressed as he was before, feels comfortable with his peers (doesn't feel like a freak) smiles, writes about his feelings, verbalizes them and most of all has a pretty clear idea how he would like to spend his future: incorporating scholastic (English major) and practical experience to help others. Isn't that where it's at?!
As Daniel's dad I am grateful and have in this short time grown to accept his illness.
We must all, however, take it "one day at a time."
Sunday, July 10, 2011
A Father's Story
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Sunday, July 10, 2011
A Father's Story
My first recollection of Daniel being ill was when I noticed him always looking down while walking; stopping for no reason and staring into space as though he was listening to someone who was NOT THERE.
When I asked him why he was doing these things he would say that it was not polite to stare at people. About stopping and listening: "It was just what I do," as if it was natural for him. He believed that he was special having these experiences. Later on he told me the voices told him he was "the man!"
As a parent, I always perceived Daniel as a bright boy who had emotional problems caused by my divorce from his mother. I felt tremendous guilt even though I had visitation rights every weekend.
As a child Daniel never showed any emotion. Again, I though it was because he was missing "me" in his life because of the physical separation. My ex-wife took Daniel to a few child psychologists, but to no avail. It did not last and I received very little feedback. When Daniel turned 16 he asked to live with me, I had no problem with that. He was going to one of the best high schools in New York City and was excelling. After a while I noticed he was getting depressed. He would come home and not say a word to me. If I asked him a question, he would reply "It's none of your business!" He'd ignore me as if I didn't exist. I wrote it off as teenager rebelling while going through puberty. He graduated from the Bronx High School of Science; I was very proud of him. Daniel went on to college. Everything was going well. In his junior year he told me things that started me thinking something was wrong. He used to keep the windows in his room wide open during the winter months. He told me that there were people or things out there that were "out to get me." One evening when I came home from work I found Daniel and some friends in the house. I don't remember what I said to him, but when I merely placed my hands on the back of his head (he was sitting on a chair) he got up quickly and threw me to the floor! Then he got on top of me and said "the force is with me" and he "had the power" as in Star Wars. I was then still in total denial that anything serious was going on. After that I watched him more closely. As time went on I noticed he had somewhat of a split personality. His college studies were now not going well; he didn't graduate on schedule.
One day in July we went out to Brighton Beach. I noticed he was acting strangely. I asked Daniel when we got home if he would go with me to Montefiore Medical Center Psychiatric Emergency Room for a checkup; he said he would. I was under the impression that he would see a psychiatrist and arrangements would be made for outpatient appointments. To my surprise, they took Daniel to an isolation room. I was shocked, he was not a criminal! At that point I felt horrible that I brought him to the hospital. The doctor told me he had signs of schizophrenia and they would hold him for observation. I could only imagine the surprise and shock Daniel was experiencing! I tried to remain with him as long as I could. I did not want Daniel to think I was abandoning him. I still couldn't believe what the doctor told me. They gave Daniel Haldol to calm him and after two days took him upstairs to the psychiatric ward. There they gave Daniel 3 mg of Risperdal and subsequently his psychotic episodes disappeared! Daniel was in total denial, but he listened to the doctors and took the Risperdal. He stayed at Montefiore Medical Center for two weeks and then was released and was sent to Psych-Systems of Manhattan as an outpatient. They gave him 3 mg of Risperdal to take at home while continuing his outpatient care. He told me he was feeling "sluggish" while taking Risperdal. The "voices" had disappeared; he looked fine and he no longer looked down while he walked.
The idea of having a "mental illness" didn't sit well with Daniel or me. He felt better but was still in total denial as was I. He stopped taking his medication as soon as he got home, thus his symptoms returned! I didn't say anything as I knew he wouldn't want to go back to the hospital. I always walked Daniel to meet the van that took him to Psych Systems of Manhattan. I knew upon seeing Daniel in the condition he was in, they would send him to the hospital again. That same day, Psych Systems did call me stating that they had to take Daniel to New York Hospital due to psychotic behavior! I then went down to New York Hospital and saw my son in an isolation room again. He refused any medication. At that point I signed papers and arranged for Daniel to be taken back to Montefiore Medical Center. When he got back to Montefiore, he was quite delusional and still refused medication. He had the idea that everyone was trying to poison him. He refused to eat anything. He looked at me like I was his enemy. For about a week they placed him in isolation.
One Saturday (August 1, to be exact) my friend Pam was watching TV and happened to watch "Four Stories" on channel 4. The first story was about Ken Steele. Pam called me and told me to tune in for the subject matter was schizophrenia. I did and got Ken's telephone number. It was like a miracle sent just in time for me! Ken was nice enough to call Daniel at Montefiore Medical Center. After awhile Daniel started to take Risperdal in a smaller dosage. He was released again and started with Psych Systems of Westchester while helping Ken Steele with his work and also his newspaper, New York City Voices. He is now a "consumer" working for mental health.
Daniel now sees his future in helping other people with schizophrenia and other mental health problems and the importance of taking Risperdal.
I have come a long way from being in denial about my son's illness. I now understand more about it from the knowledge attained from Ken Steele and his life's work. It's difficult to believe that in just four short months since Daniel's first admission and possible schizophrenic diagnosis, positive change has occurred in my life and his, due to "Four Stories," Ken Steele, Risperdal and New York City Voices.
My son is also helping Adrienne Williams and attending informative seminars. Daniel also now goes to the Park Slope Center for Mental Health for therapy. He currently does things he could never do before and is not depressed as he was before, feels comfortable with his peers (doesn't feel like a freak) smiles, writes about his feelings, verbalizes them and most of all has a pretty clear idea how he would like to spend his future: incorporating scholastic (English major) and practical experience to help others. Isn't that where it's at?!
As Daniel's dad I am grateful and have in this short time grown to accept his illness.
We must all, however, take it "one day at a time."
When I asked him why he was doing these things he would say that it was not polite to stare at people. About stopping and listening: "It was just what I do," as if it was natural for him. He believed that he was special having these experiences. Later on he told me the voices told him he was "the man!"
As a parent, I always perceived Daniel as a bright boy who had emotional problems caused by my divorce from his mother. I felt tremendous guilt even though I had visitation rights every weekend.
As a child Daniel never showed any emotion. Again, I though it was because he was missing "me" in his life because of the physical separation. My ex-wife took Daniel to a few child psychologists, but to no avail. It did not last and I received very little feedback. When Daniel turned 16 he asked to live with me, I had no problem with that. He was going to one of the best high schools in New York City and was excelling. After a while I noticed he was getting depressed. He would come home and not say a word to me. If I asked him a question, he would reply "It's none of your business!" He'd ignore me as if I didn't exist. I wrote it off as teenager rebelling while going through puberty. He graduated from the Bronx High School of Science; I was very proud of him. Daniel went on to college. Everything was going well. In his junior year he told me things that started me thinking something was wrong. He used to keep the windows in his room wide open during the winter months. He told me that there were people or things out there that were "out to get me." One evening when I came home from work I found Daniel and some friends in the house. I don't remember what I said to him, but when I merely placed my hands on the back of his head (he was sitting on a chair) he got up quickly and threw me to the floor! Then he got on top of me and said "the force is with me" and he "had the power" as in Star Wars. I was then still in total denial that anything serious was going on. After that I watched him more closely. As time went on I noticed he had somewhat of a split personality. His college studies were now not going well; he didn't graduate on schedule.
One day in July we went out to Brighton Beach. I noticed he was acting strangely. I asked Daniel when we got home if he would go with me to Montefiore Medical Center Psychiatric Emergency Room for a checkup; he said he would. I was under the impression that he would see a psychiatrist and arrangements would be made for outpatient appointments. To my surprise, they took Daniel to an isolation room. I was shocked, he was not a criminal! At that point I felt horrible that I brought him to the hospital. The doctor told me he had signs of schizophrenia and they would hold him for observation. I could only imagine the surprise and shock Daniel was experiencing! I tried to remain with him as long as I could. I did not want Daniel to think I was abandoning him. I still couldn't believe what the doctor told me. They gave Daniel Haldol to calm him and after two days took him upstairs to the psychiatric ward. There they gave Daniel 3 mg of Risperdal and subsequently his psychotic episodes disappeared! Daniel was in total denial, but he listened to the doctors and took the Risperdal. He stayed at Montefiore Medical Center for two weeks and then was released and was sent to Psych-Systems of Manhattan as an outpatient. They gave him 3 mg of Risperdal to take at home while continuing his outpatient care. He told me he was feeling "sluggish" while taking Risperdal. The "voices" had disappeared; he looked fine and he no longer looked down while he walked.
The idea of having a "mental illness" didn't sit well with Daniel or me. He felt better but was still in total denial as was I. He stopped taking his medication as soon as he got home, thus his symptoms returned! I didn't say anything as I knew he wouldn't want to go back to the hospital. I always walked Daniel to meet the van that took him to Psych Systems of Manhattan. I knew upon seeing Daniel in the condition he was in, they would send him to the hospital again. That same day, Psych Systems did call me stating that they had to take Daniel to New York Hospital due to psychotic behavior! I then went down to New York Hospital and saw my son in an isolation room again. He refused any medication. At that point I signed papers and arranged for Daniel to be taken back to Montefiore Medical Center. When he got back to Montefiore, he was quite delusional and still refused medication. He had the idea that everyone was trying to poison him. He refused to eat anything. He looked at me like I was his enemy. For about a week they placed him in isolation.
One Saturday (August 1, to be exact) my friend Pam was watching TV and happened to watch "Four Stories" on channel 4. The first story was about Ken Steele. Pam called me and told me to tune in for the subject matter was schizophrenia. I did and got Ken's telephone number. It was like a miracle sent just in time for me! Ken was nice enough to call Daniel at Montefiore Medical Center. After awhile Daniel started to take Risperdal in a smaller dosage. He was released again and started with Psych Systems of Westchester while helping Ken Steele with his work and also his newspaper, New York City Voices. He is now a "consumer" working for mental health.
Daniel now sees his future in helping other people with schizophrenia and other mental health problems and the importance of taking Risperdal.
I have come a long way from being in denial about my son's illness. I now understand more about it from the knowledge attained from Ken Steele and his life's work. It's difficult to believe that in just four short months since Daniel's first admission and possible schizophrenic diagnosis, positive change has occurred in my life and his, due to "Four Stories," Ken Steele, Risperdal and New York City Voices.
My son is also helping Adrienne Williams and attending informative seminars. Daniel also now goes to the Park Slope Center for Mental Health for therapy. He currently does things he could never do before and is not depressed as he was before, feels comfortable with his peers (doesn't feel like a freak) smiles, writes about his feelings, verbalizes them and most of all has a pretty clear idea how he would like to spend his future: incorporating scholastic (English major) and practical experience to help others. Isn't that where it's at?!
As Daniel's dad I am grateful and have in this short time grown to accept his illness.
We must all, however, take it "one day at a time."
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